Type 3
Dominant Center: Heart
Along with Types 2 and 4, Type 3 is dominant in the Heart Center and is therefore referred to as an “image type,” because the ego of the Heart Center is built around crafting and displaying an image for the world to see. This means that the fundamental unconscious agenda of Type 3 is to convince their world that they are the person as whom they would like to be seen. Because of this, the Heart Types typically have a particularly performative aspect to the way they appear in the real world. This doesn’t mean every Heart Type is destined for the stage; it means that when interacting with them, others can often feel a Heart Type trying to project how they would like you to see them. For Type 3, this image is one that is capable, collected, and functionally perfect.
Something to remember is that 3’s focus on crafting an image underpins all of its functions and frills – all of the other details that form a Heart Type (such as its Hornevian Stance, Harmonic Triad, or Object Relation) are packaged in the unconscious drive to show a crafted self to the world – and to have that image verified in return. The Heart Types want to believe that others see them as they hope to be seen – and for 3, that’s someone who is a competent winner, a shining star, beautiful and valuable. This “image focus” may be something 3s themselves don’t see or resonate with – what matters is that 3’s ego still insists on being or becoming something they believe is valuable, good, and worthwhile.
Passion: Vanity
The Passion of Vanity is representative of the thin and shifting veneer of Type 3, an image that is loyal to nothing and no one, willing to sacrifice all in favor of advancing its own (either literal or metaphorical) beauty. Such a description isn’t necessarily descriptive of 3s themselves, but Vanity represents 3’s preoccupation with its own appearance to others, layered with a deep-set belief in its own capability and drive to become whatever is seen by the world as valuable or perfect. This Vanity may manifest in Type 3s as having an emphasis on self-development, self-growth, or maturation, making 3s motivated, focused, and goal-oriented people that tend to value efficiency and purpose.
As the Passion, Vanity is what tricks 3s into thinking that their true source of value is their own success, determination, and ability to become the things their environment deems valuable. This is an important detail to observe when it comes to 3’s image, particularly in contrast to the images of Types 2 and 4 – where 2 and 4 each produce a fixed, unyielding image regardless of where they are, 3’s image is inherently context-based, necessarily relative to who 3s perceive to be their audience. This orientation to context gives 3s an adaptability in their interactions that the other Heart Types lack. But consequently, at their worst, 3s can be preoccupied with becoming and embodying their desired self, left without an anchor to who it is they actually are outside of their current aim. This psychic unmooring of Type 3 is rooted in its affect of Attachment through its learned Object Relation, and it manifests not as directionlessness, but as a flexibility that 3s themselves tend to see as mere politeness, or offering what’s needed and called for in a given environment.
Because 3s are so adaptable, there are many arenas in which they can mold themselves to become the archetypal representative of a given value. Life can become a stage for Type 3, meaning that no matter where they are or where they’re going, they end up subtly (or not-so-subtly) broadcasting how and why they truly are the quintessential being that others long to see and be inspired by. This is part of what Vanity means for 3s practically: others may find that conversations with 3s are suddenly back on the things they have done well, the places they have been, or any of their current plans, projects, or influence they have in their social sphere.
Of course, this form of advertising is constantly tempered by the image-based antenna of Type 3. Especially for Social-dominant 3s, boasting can produce the opposite effect of what they desire. It’s vital to understand that Type 3 is subconsciously “checking the weather” to see what’s valuable in their current environment. More overtly boastful 3s were often raised in a context where stating their achievements resulted in praise and affirmation, but for other 3s, such behavior may have resulted in rebuke or punishment. Because of how necessarily contextualized Type 3 is, behavior can vary dramatically between individuals of this same type.
But for more braggadocious 3s (more commonly Self-Preservation-dominant 3s), this unconscious need to advertise their best parts can actually compromise what 3s hope to achieve. By drawing attention to their gifts and talents, these 3s aim to reinforce in the minds of others their own preeminence, confidence, and ability to be something useful or valuable. But when their lens on reality keeps bringing things back to what they do, others begin to see 3’s Passion of Vanity for what it is – an ostensibly clean but truly desperate attempt to be in their world’s good graces. As a contrast to Type 2’s yearning to be enmeshed with the world of those whose attention they desire, Type 3 wants to be seen but not “touched.” This is not necessarily literal, of course, but 3’s ideal attention includes a good distance between themselves and the viewer. Consider the use of stage makeup – from afar, the features look appropriate, real, perhaps even perfect – but up close the decoration can seem garish, overdone, and perhaps worse – ridiculous. Appearing ridiculous is a deep fear of Type 3, but even admitting that fear can threaten 3’s cool, unaffected image.
Consider Type 3 as a sculptor preparing for their debut exhibition, aiming to craft a marble self-portrait bust that is fresh, stoic, and seemingly unmarred by age or weathering – but the trick is that 3s would like others to believe they are the sculpture itself, rather than the one sculpting it. As they work on this art, the sun moves throughout the day, casting new shadows on the bust and revealing imperfections Type 3 can cut away. One by one, these seemingly minute edits create an appearance that is so altered that the bust can no longer accurately represent the artist’s portrait. This is what makes 3 so Vain – they become so fixated on crafting something admirable that they forget they exist as they are – an artist, sweaty and covered in marble shavings, and totally unprepared for the crowds to arrive. Rather, they want others (and themselves) to see the project they spend all their time and attention cultivating. But when others come too close, they may see the portions of stone left uncut, still in-process, so 3s prefer a level of distance or elevation from others to conceal the messy, unimpressive parts of themselves.
This distance usually extends to the way Type 3s learn to do relationship in general – even with loved ones there may be a struggle for 3s to truly allow themselves to be seen without all the layers of presentation that they manage on a daily basis. 3w2s in particular are usually quite outgoing and friendly, but it can be hard for them to set down their mantle of perfection and be truly vulnerable. To protect themselves from being embarrassed or from cycling anxiety about how others may have interpreted their behaviors, 3s may occupy themselves with many tasks, projects, or social engagements that keep them from being known too intimately. This is the self-defeating cycle for Type 3 – they long for nothing more than to be valuable, but they lose contact with who they really are and are left without a cohesive and true self to show when others want to deeply know them.
The lack of a non-contextualized self means for 3s that there are many “selves'' one might bring to others. These varying images are like outfits to be worn depending on whom it is the 3 is meeting for dinner or a walk through the neighborhood. 3s unconsciously assess what their audience would like to see or hear, and then they don that specific apparel. This makes many 3s people-pleasers, because they would rather feel the weight of others’ gaze than be committed to any consistent version of themselves, even though few 3s would resonate with such an idea. Their shifting extends to the stories 3s tell about themselves and their lives. 3s who are spiraling into unhealth may begin telling progressively more ludicrous, exaggerated tales to boost their ego and falsify their accomplishments, aiming to polish their image so fervidly that others can’t help but see through their self-deceit. Type 3s may see this adaptation as being considerate or simply “reading the room,” but what lies beneath this behavioral trend is 3’s Vanity at its core: an outsourcing of their own perceived value to the best thing they can be, do, or produce.
Hornevian Stance: Assertive
Karen Horney developed three types of personality that map effectively on to the Enneagram. Her theory suggests that everyone learns one of three responses in an attempt to get what they want. The Assertive Types (3, 7, and 8) move past (or against) others, the Compliant Types (1, 2, and 6) move toward others, and the Withdrawn Types (4, 5, and 9) move away from others in order to get what they want. Each type does this differently within their respective dominant Center. Type 3, as an Assertive Heart Type, is cultivating image by moving faster than their environment, creating by their own force of will the person they want to become.
Type 3 is part of the Assertive Stance, meaning that they learn to receive what they want by proactively demanding it from their environment. Assertive Types have been deemed by some Enneagram theorists to be future-oriented, pushing past the present moment, taking initiative to usher themselves toward their desired outcome. In contrast to its other Assertive Stance siblings (Types 7 and 8), 3s learn to demand what they desire in a way that is palatable, reinforcing an image that is unbothered, calm, perfect. 3s confidently demand value by regularly referring to their own list of qualifications: “I deserve to be deemed valuable because I can already do and be all the things you would like to see.” It’s almost as if 3s are beating their audience to the punch – already coming prepared to show why they’re entitled to the attention, respect, or recognition they want. But of course, all of these demands remain within 3s’ carefully shaped narratives, avoiding any flavor that might sour others’ palettes toward them.
This is how we see contrast between the Compliant and Assertive Stances. Whereas the Compliant Types see reality in the present tense, feeling moral obligations based on the given moment, the Assertive Types exist a few steps ahead of reality, already in the future and pushing toward what’s next. This creates some urgency in 3s to keep moving no matter the cost – and as such, resting, relaxing, or doing nothing at all may be a sore spot for them. Being unproductive can feel like a waste of time to Type 3s, as if with every passing second, their value is plummeting; therefore, they feel the need to keep swimming upstream, beating against the tide.
For some 3s, their Assertive Stance can manifest in neglect of the more sensitive parts of their hearts, and sometimes those of others. There is a tendency for 3s to be so fixated on their own ambitions that to stop and confront feelings that are sad, tender, or insecure can seem a compromise, taking them away from their finish-line mentality. Furthermore, actualizing these feelings through emotion can put 3s at risk of losing the appearance of being unbothered and confident. For 3s with extra doses of Assertive energy (such as 7 or 8 fixes), others’ feelings may seem a squandering of 3s’ precious time, and being too attentive to others might detract from the aforementioned masterpiece on which they typically spend their concentration – hence the stereotype of workaholism that appears in most literature about 3s.
Harmonic Style: Competency
The Harmonic Styles refer to how the nine types learn to unconsciously handle life as it confronts them with unideal realities. While the Positive Outlook Types (2, 7, and 9) use optimism, denial, and reframing, and the Reactive Types (4, 6, and 8) use pessimism, emotional expression, and skepticism to handle their problems, the Competency Types (1, 3, and 5) aim to leave their perspective unskewed by bias, and hope to operate from an objective and neutral lens, regardless of internal thoughts and feelings. To their own detriment, this aim at objectivity is, in itself, a distortion of reality, but the Competency Types utilize this unaffected point of view as a way of trying to believe that they can handle the challenges life throws at them without emotionally reacting or blurring the world with rose-colored glasses.
There’s a certain cold, robotic approach in the function of the Competency structures. For Types 1 and 5, as inherently inflexible types, this Competency is often perceived as unyieldingly stiff, strange, or unpalatable. But for Type 3, an Attachment Type and a Heart Type, Competency becomes a strategy to keep an adaptable, neutral, and productive image that springs forth from its current environment. Competency is the way 3s attempt to stay attached to their anchor points, never losing sight of that which they unconsciously assess – the qualities valued by 3’s most significant role models. There’s a way Competency can feel deeply tied to perfection – as if what is “perfect” is objectively observable and thus, for Type 3, something to which one can adapt oneself.
Additionally, there’s an emphasis on being literally competent in life, particularly for 3s that are not blind to the Self-Preservation instinct. They will often be excellent at whatever sphere of work they find themselves in. Considering most people are Self-Preservation dominant, this makes most 3s prone to overworking in order to prove (to themselves and others) that they truly are competent, capable – almost as if they could accomplish anything. Given that many cultures highly value productivity, motivation, and achievement, Competency in Type 3 will usually manifest in a compulsion to prove (perhaps even just to themselves) that they are worthy of their accolades, never being weighed down by negative attitudes or personal trials that could interrupt “the grind.”
It’s important to remember that, as an Attachment Type, workaholism is not necessarily a universally 3ish trait – it just tends to be a common one. Ultimately, as a Competency Type, 3s are driven to become the unconsciously valued, objective standard they see in their world. For example: in a culture, context, or family that prizes simplicity, ease, and an unhurried attitude, a young 3 will grow to become the pinnacle of those values. Likewise, if their context prizes strength, fortitude and quickness, a young 3 will sculpt such a way of being. Referring to the Passion of Type 3, Vanity is necessarily Competent: the impartiality inherent to Type 3’s disloyalty to a consistent self in favor of adapting to “objective” standards. Competency is why, even as a Heart Type (with plenty of internal feeling states) Type 3’s superego demands that their “self,” as they want it to be perceived, be funneled through objectivity, never being too expressive, emotional, or unkempt, lest their image of perfection be compromised.
Object Relation: Attachment
(to the Nurturing Object)
Type 3’s need to be quintessential and valuable is established in its psychic blueprint. Type structure is based on a learned way of orienting toward the world – what we call an Object Relation. This dynamic forms early in a child’s life as they try to orient toward their parent(s) in a way that meets the child’s needs while minimizing psychic damage. As an Assertive Type, 3 is oriented toward the Nurturing Object. It’s important to note that, while many children are raised without a literal mother or father in their life, the Nurturing Object is the motherly force in the child’s world, and the Protecting Object is the fatherly force. While plenty of children have parents where the roles are reversed or combined, for the sake of things, we will refer to the Nurturing Object as a metaphorical Mother and the Protecting Object as a metaphorical Father. The Nurturing Object, ideally, communicates to the child that they are loved, valued, and seen for who they are. However, every child receives and absorbs some form of wounding from a “parent” (or lack thereof), and their psyche consequently learns to orient toward the world by internalizing an Object – a distorted minimization of the parental force that was supposed to meet their needs.
For the child 3, the ego forms around a wounding from Mother; they come to believe that something they did has caused Mother to no longer see and value them for who they are. But rather than Rejecting Mother (as Type 8 does) or becoming Frustrated with Mother (as Type 7 does), Type 3 unconsciously deems that the only way to bear the wound of not being seen is to Attach to the Nurturing Object, latching on to regain her attention and affection. Unlike Type 2, who unconsciously becomes Mother, Type 3 is fixated on adapting to reobtain the love that she once gave.
As an Attachment Type, 3 has an automatic assumption in its Object Relation: in the past they had their need to be seen fulfilled, but somehow this fulfillment is lost. 3s implicitly believe that something they did caused this rift; therefore, they must change their behavior to win back Mother’s gaze. This idea that the child bears a present obligation to adjust their function is shared by Types 6 and 9 as well, but Type 3’s concern is with redirecting Mother’s attention off of what has distracted her and back to what she is looking for. Type 3 quickly becomes what they believe Mother most values. 3 presumes that the outside world – specifically, the Nurturing Object – will not bend to meet 3; therefore, 3 must bend to meet the world. In a moment where Mother looks back at the child and smiles again, Type 3 thinks that she smiles not because she loves them, but because they earned her affection by changing their behavior.
Type 3s may end up living their lives with the singular aim of “measuring up” to whatever implied standards existed within the milieu of their upbringing, never checking to assess who they are and who they want to be. The idea of a “midlife crisis” is rooted in an Attachment Object Relation perspective – there is a tendency for Attachment Types (especially those with additional Attachment fixes) to live their lives in a constant state of adaptation and flux to the degree where they have made choices they didn’t want to make, because they felt the need to “bend” to the inferred will of the Object toward which they relate. For 3s, that means they may make themselves slaves to whatever represents the Nurturing Object – whatever or whomever has the potential to make them feel seen and valued. That sense of Nurture can come from sexual attention, from excessive materialism, or from social recognition and prowess, and these manifestations vary depending on instinctual agendas. Even though many 3s believe they don’t want others’ affirmation, there remains in their psyche an internalized other who holds the standard of self-actualization 3s reach for.
Another fundamental function of 3’s Attachment dynamic is its simultaneous dominance and repression of the same Center of Intelligence. For Type 3, that is the Heart Center, meaning 3’s Heart holds both the wounded portion of the self and the lens through which they read the world. In order to continue “earning: Heart-level value without feeling the weight of their wound, the child 3’s ego has no choice but to displace its true Heart in favor of an untarnished Heart more apt at receiving attention. In a sense, 3 must fabricate a second Heart that can achieve the ego’s aims while the wounded Heart remains stowed upstairs in the most shadowed, shameful corner of the psyche’s attic.
This points to the Passion of Vanity – 3s are disloyal primarily to themselves, because they fundamentally deceive themselves regarding where their true identity lies. This falsified Heart is not who they really are, but is instead only who they believe themselves to be – as such, it can be twisted, decorated, stripped, simplified, or embellished, and the 3 will feel nothing at all. This winning of attention continues forever, because the false Heart is a leaky, unstable structure – a tool made by a child. Herein we see the strange collision of 3’s existence: an emotionally intelligent creature hoping to create their own value, yet still fundamentally separated from the truth of their own emotional Center. As such, 3s tend to have great abilities at understanding others’ feelings about them, but not so much capacity to access their own vulnerable feelings, even if they should consider themselves emotional creatures.
Common Misconceptions
Enneagram type structure is rarely understood at an elemental level. Without knowing the “bones” of a type, many supposed Enneagram teachers have written terribly misleading descriptions of each type. No type is an exception to this issue, so by examining the specific parts of 3, we hope to re-illustrate some of the more confusing or inaccurate conceptions of this type.
Type 3 is perhaps one of the most poorly understood types on the map of the Enneagram, often reduced to a caricature that is hardworking, cutthroat, and braggadocious. And while those qualities do exist in some 3s, the majority of people of this type could not embody those qualities because they are 3s. Some 3s may struggle to see themselves in a type so often labeled boastful or self-consumed. As the Attachment Type in the Heart Center, 3 is the point at which image is adapted to context. This means that the things 3s learn to value may vary dramatically depending on the context of their upbringing. Culture, community, and environment all have the potential to shape the way 3 appears more than any other type, because 3 is attached in the realm of the Heart, which is about identity – and the presentation we learn to produce as a way of verifying such an identity.
Many 3s have internalized a subliminal belief that what is valuable is an image that is humble, self-effacing, not putting the spotlight on oneself. They might think, “A good boy/girl is not proud or puffed-up.” For such 3s, they may seem to be intentionally not advertising their accomplishments; rather, they allow their seemingly humble indifference to them – and the actual accomplishments – to speak for themselves. Such 3s may automatically deflect praise as a way of increasing the flow of value they feel within themselves, but they are no less hinged upon meeting an external value than more overtly flexing 3s.
If a 3 is to be blatantly advertising their own accomplishments, it will almost always be a Self-Preservation-dominant 3, funneling their own value into the tangible, physical world. Social and Sexual 3s, by contrast, are less likely to feel the need to boast or show off. It’s important to remember that type structure is built atop instinctual variants, so for 3s that aren’t Self-Preservation-dominant, the structure of Type 3 is just a mechanism to meet the needs of the Sexual or Social instincts.