Object Relations

The behaviors stemming from one’s type structure don’t occur without cause. Type is a psychic blueprint, a code determining a specific default of interaction between the ego and its world. This blueprint has an origin: a child’s learned pattern of response to the parental forces in their environment which fail to perfectly meet their needs. This pattern is explained by the theory of Object Relations.

The Enneagram always divides into sets of three, and this theory is no exception. Three basic needs surface in early childhood: nurturance, protection, and belonging. For the child psyche of each of the nine types, the fulfillment of one of these needs is perceived to be especially lacking. This insufficient provision creates a hidden wound, a pernicious and doubling hunger that demands an unconscious response from the child. That’s not to say children don’t experience more than one hurt in their development, but one of these issues becomes particularly significant to the psyche. Each of the nine type structures are specific responses to a lack of resource, meaning type is the ego’s way of addressing its wound.

The ego’s fixation upon one of the three needs causes one of three Objects to form in the psyche’s purview. A repetitive cycle begins to occur within the child as they relate to either the Nurturing Object, the Protecting Object, or the Belonging Object.

The Stances and Their Objects

The Assertive Types (3, 7, and 8) are oriented toward the Nurturing Object, the psyche’s perceived “Mother.” This Mother is not necessarily literal; rather, this Object represents the fulfiller of the child’s need to be cherished, valued, adored, pampered. In an ideal world, the Nurturing Object communicates that the child is loved and provided for, just as they are, and the child absorbs this message. For 3s, 7s, and 8s, however, this message is not sufficiently absorbed, and the personality forms in response to the vacancy left by Mother’s insufficient nurture. Consequently, the Assertive Types have struggles contacting the tender, cherished part of self that needs Mother’s milk.

For the Compliant Types (1, 2, and 6), this same issue occurs with the Protecting Object, or “Father.” The Protecting Object ideally invites His child into independence, promising to guide and guard against any wrong turns the child might make as they pursue their own will. Because the Compliant Types can’t absorb this message, they have their own problems with pursuing their desires, wants, and independent will.

Lastly, the Withdrawn Types (4, 5, and 9) are oriented toward the Belonging Object, neither Mother nor Father, but the space between them — the psychic “Family.” The Belonging Object ideally offers the child a place in a broader world. Because their wound appears here, the Withdrawn Types each have issues with “showing up” and belonging in their environment as an active participant. 

The Relational Affects

Within these three categories form three distinct responses to the same Objects. These responses are referred to as the types’ “affects,” as they determine the way a child learns to relate to their wound.

The Frustration Types (1, 4, and 7) relate to different Objects, but all with the same attitude. These types become extremely conscious of the dissatisfied part of self, an open and irritated nerve vibrating against all inputs that do not soothe their Frustration. The Frustration Types are defined by the specificity, pickiness, and idealism that is a result of their psyche’s constant awareness of its dissatisfaction. Functionally, they respond to the Object that failed them with defiance, saying, “Fine, if you can’t provide for me what I need, I will fetch it for myself.” The Frustration Types consequently over-provide for themselves what their Object failed to sufficiently give, welcoming the parts of reality that meet their ideal but filtering out all the portions that don’t. These types have a distinct awareness of how they want things to be, and they’ll typically articulate their irritation.

The Rejection Types (2, 5, and 8) have the opposite response, becoming as unconscious of their dissatisfied part of self as is psychically possible. By removing the awareness of their psyche’s wound, the Rejection Types delude themselves into thinking they are invulnerable, completely protected from any future disappointment. Unfortunately, this deception that they are not wounded means they lose their awareness of the part of self that can receive such a failure from their Object; consequently, the Rejection Types become preoccupied offering their unwounded parts as a psychic distraction. 2s, 5s, and 8s each become a concentrated representation of their least vulnerable part: their Dominant Center. Unconsciously, the Rejection Types force their world to engage with them only in their most comfortable, invulnerable space, and they ultimately end up dictating how others are permitted to engage with them – only on the Rejection Type’s psychic turf.

The Attachment Types (3, 6, and 9) sit between the two extremes of the Frustration and Rejection affects, neither becoming too conscious nor unconscious of their dissatisfaction. These types instead Attach to their Object, adjusting their own behavior to convince their Object to once again offer the resources the child once received from them. 3s, 6s, and 9s end up caught in a dance of never being too vulnerable nor too invulnerable, lest either extreme separate them from the sweet spot: staying latched on to their source. This relational affect becomes a game where the child learns to adapt their own behavior to garner a positive response from their Object. Consequently, the Attachment Types tend to be too flexible, too responsive, and too contextually aware, adjusting their position eternally in order to remain in the sunlight.

We believe these three Object Relational affects form the most important layer of the personality’s function. For example, Type 7 is not associated with the Passion of Gluttony for no reason — it is 7’s Frustration affect directed at Mother (and consequent commitment to meet their own need for nurturance) that causes them to continually treat each environment as an opportunity for (literal or nonliteral) feeding. 7s “cherish” and dote upon themselves, because they implicitly believe no Object outside of them will ever nurture them sufficiently. In this way, we believe each type’s Object Relation is the basis for their behavior.